How We Got Our Baby Bruin: Part 2

"Seeing our growing baby on the 12-week ultrasound and hearing the heart beat were moments of such pure joy that I wanted the same for everyone else going through the process of fertility treatment or planning to have a baby.  Of course, in the world of infertility there are never any promises.  No one can ever be guaranteed a way to get pregnant because there are so many variables and unique challenges... But this book offers a plan to improve your odds, and in doing so, improve your overall health and prepare your body for a healthy pregnancy."

                                                                  - Rebecca Fett (It Starts With the Egg)

As mentioned in "How We Got Our Baby 'Bruin': Part 1," I could not concur more with the statement aforementioned.  My experiences, my thoughts, my feelings, my gained knowledge, my faith, have led me to this blog post about what we did to support our fertility.  As Rebecca stated, nothing is promised and everyone's situation is different.  So, as you are reading this, please know that I know that what worked for me may not work for the next person.  My hope, if anything, is that my story can support you through yours or somebody that you know.  I continue to pray for the comfort, peace and patience of all of those who are on their own journey with hopes of a pregnancy. 

It has taken me SO LONG to post "Part 2," but time got away from me this fall between trying to finish things up at work, coaching field hockey and preparing our house for our baby girl.  Then baby girl arrived... and life with a newborn did not allow me the time to sit down for "Part 2."  I hope I am recalling all of the things I/we did in support of our fertility, big or small.  In Part 1, I discussed changes I made environmentally, including self-care products, cosmetics, and household cleaners.  In this post, you can expect to see things related to diet, medical interventions, alternative therapies, and FAITH.

DIET

Gluten-Free:   

I went gluten-free.  Even though I don't have an allergy, my online research of scholarly material and information gained from reading "It Starts With the Egg," suggested (with evidence) that for some people, gluten affects hormones/reproduction.   

"Gluten intolerance is not only related to unexplained infertility, but also to recurrent miscarriage, and Intolerance to gluten, often undiagnosed, contributes to nutrient malabsorption as those suffering from the intolerance do not readily absorb   micronutrients like iron, zinc and folic acid which are critical to reproduction."

                                                       (http://nourishedkitchen.com/unexplained-infertility/)

I will say that I was about 95% strict to this leading up to pregnancy.  If there was something at a special event that was not gluten-free, I would have a small piece.  

Dairy-Free: 

At the time I thought I was going completely dairy-free, but now that I am nursing and doing the elimination diet due to our baby's GI symptoms, I have learned that what I thought was dairy-free, really wasn't completely dairy-free.  For the purposes of fertility, I switched to almond milk, and stopped eating the obvious items containing dairy (e.g. yogurt, cheese, ice cream, etc.).  What I have since learned, is that the dairy protein is found in A LOT of items (e.g. cereals, crackers, etc.).  

Soy-Free: 

"Soy worms its way into our diets in countless ways: as a filler, as a thickener, as an emulsifier, as a preservative and, ostensibly, as a feel-good health food.   Soy is a potent source of xenoestrogens, or plant hormones that can have a remarkably strong effect on the hormones within our body – including those very hormones that drive our fertility and reproductive function." (http://nourishedkitchen.com/unexplained-infertility/)

Soy really is in EVERYTHING.  And although I wasn't completely strict to elimination of soy, I was extremely mindful.  When out to eat, I did not request soy-free items, but when shopping in the grocery store, I made sure to read labels.


When it comes to changes I made to my diet, I certainly was not as 100% strict to it as I have had to be for nursing, but I was much more mindful. Once I hit the second/third trimesters of pregnancy, I started to reintroduce foods with gluten, dairy and soy, but not the amount/frequency I would eat it before.  I continued to drink almond milk, and made sure that the dairy I consumed was organic (e.g. cheese, ice cream), except if I was out to eat. 

Along with the book "It Starts With the Egg," (I swear I'm not getting paid by Rebecca Fett) and information online, there is a lot of supportive research suggesting that the foods we eat impact our reproductive systems.  I always felt as thought I was a healthy eater, but didn't realize the impact of what I was really eating.   This site has some great information, and provides the sources from which the information was gathered.

We Prayed.

ALTERNATIVE METHODS/THERAPIES

Fertility Massage: 

I searched high and low for a place that did fertility massage... and it was hard to come by.  One day while at the store Just Naturals (Bedford, NH) buying my household cleaning supplies, I asked if they knew anyone who did fertility massage.  They gave me the name of a woman, Jane, and stated that they weren't completely sure if she did it, but that she was brilliant.  Well, they were right.  It wasn't the most relaxing massage, but it was the massage that was done right before my cycle that I got pregnant.  She really was brilliant, and she was able to back with science why it works.  First, she wrapped my stomach in saran wrap and applied heat.  Then she massaged my stomach in a circular motion, and finished with cupping.  
***Important to note- this was done PRIOR to ovulation!

Staying warm: 

I constantly have cold hands and feet.  Clearly an issue with circulation, which is part of what the fertility massage addresses, and I had read the importance of blood flow for pregnancy.  Therefore, during the two week window, I made sure my hands and feet were always warm.  I would run them under warm water if they were not, wore gloves and extra socks, etc.  In addition, I only ate and drank warm foods and liquids.  Bring on the oatmeal, eggs, chili and caffeine-free tea!  I also drank warm water with lemon... I actually grew to like it!  I also added cinnamon to just about everything.

"Consider eating foods that support warmth. As progesterone levels rise, so does your temperature, as you can see in your BBT chart. A warm womb is an inviting womb. Think soups and stews, or adding some warming herbs to foods such as cayenne, ginger, cinnamon."

                                                                http://natural-fertility-info.com/two-week-wait.html

Supplements:   

In addition to my prenatal vitamin, I took an extra folic acid and vitamin D. This was recommended by the massage therapist, and my Ob/Gyn agreed it would not hurt.

Affirmations: 
In the morning or at night, I would read affirmations.  Specifically, these: 

Once I knew I was pregnant, I would read the affirmations above, as well as the affirmation below:

Pregnancy Meditation: 

After ovulation, I tried to stay low and slow.  If I started feeling stressed or anxious, I would go straight to my room, close my eyes and listen to pregnancy meditations I found on youtube.  Some I did not like, so I would listen for a second and then continue to search until I found one that I could relate.

Circadian Rhythms: 

I made sure to stay in my circadian rhythms.  Staying in tune with circadian rhythms plays a role in hormones that are released.  I made sure I was in bed no later than 9:00 every night.  I even left a close friend's bachelorette party and wedding early.  I really am lucky to have such supportive friends :) .  I also made sure to be up by 6:30 every morning, which was typical for me anyway, so that wasn't too difficult to do. 

"recent research of the role of a healthy circadian rhythm and cyclical production of melatonin is proving to be critical for optimal female reproductive hormone function, menstrual cycle timing, ovarian function (including follicle function- both health and quality), as well as placental function."More info here

We prayed.


MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS
All medical interventions were prescribed and monitored by my OB/GYN.

HSG testing: done in January 2015- tubes were not blocked 

Genetic testing: completed December 2014- no genetic concerns

Clomid:  I was prescribed Clomid to take days 3-7 of my cycle.

HCG trigger: After the ultrasound confirmed that I had a mature egg, I was given the "ok" to administer the first of three HCG trigger shots, in order to release the egg.  I HATE needles, so I went into the office for the first shot, so that they could show me what to do and administer it for me.  Following ovulation, I was told to administer the following two shots.  Thankfully, Sean did the shots for me, because I can't stand to look at needles.  One shot was administered 2 days after ovulation, and the other was given 5 days after.  

This study looks at the success rates when HCG was adminstered after IUIs.  Interesting to think that it would help post ovulation as well: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2838901/

Progesterone: I took progesterone in the morning and at night to help the fertilized egg "stick."  I stopped progesterone around the 14th week.

Baby Asprin: I took one baby asprin each day and stopped taking baby asprin around the 14th week.

When I stopped taking progesterone and asprin, I started to become a bit more anxious that I would lose the baby.  When this happened, I would take out my affirmations, do pregnancy yoga, pregnancy meditation, or pray.

We were followed on ultrasound at 4 weeks (gestational sac), 6 weeks (I will always remember when I saw that little heartbeat flickering on the screen), 8 and 12 weeks.  The entire time, the baby was measuring to be due November 26th, 2015.

We prayed.

FAITH

A wonderful woman down the street gave me a St. Gerard prayer card and handkerchief when she heard of our fertility struggles at a cookie swap we had in December 2014.  I took that card out and I read it often.  I prayed every night to God and St. Gerard that we would be blessed with this baby.  I also brought the prayer card and handkerchief with me to every doctor's appointment.  Before going into each appointment I would read the card and it would set me at ease.  

My faith became so much stronger during this journey.  During my pregnancy, Sean and I would be at church and he would look over to me after communion and we would both chuckle a little, as I was often times fighting tears after I said my prayers.  On our walk to the parking lot he would ask me what I was crying about.  My response was always that I was so grateful and they were tears of happiness.  I was so grateful for the baby girl I was carrying, and I was so grateful for the wondrous works of God. I felt so blessed and it would always come to full head while at church Sunday mornings.  I can only imagine the amount of pride and joy I will feel in two Sundays, when Maddison Faith is baptized. 

So how did she get her name Maddison Faith?

I think the reasons for her middle name, Faith, are pretty obvious.  My growing relationship with God and my trust in His plan played a significant role in where we are today, but let me share more of what I believe to be His work.

In February, Sean's Godmother/aunt Margaret suddenly passed away.  I was unable to attend services with Sean, as it happened during February vacation for the schools and we were unable to find boarding for our dogs.  As I drove Sean down to Boston so that he could catch his flight to North Carolina for the services, it was pretty cloudy as a storm had just passed through.  North Carolina was experiencing winter weather as well, which as a result caused Sean's flight to get cancelled.  

Sean called me to tell me not to drive too far becuase he was unsure if he would be getting out.  I decided to pull off at the Burlington Mall, but didn't know exactly how to get there, and my GPS was being, well.. a GPS- sending me down weird roads.  I decided I needed to backtrack, because I could tell I was getting further from the mall.  I turned down a small street so that I could turn around and back track.  Once I turned around and got to the stop sign, to start my way back, I looked up and saw this: 

When I looked the other way, there were still some clouds in the sky.  But when I looked up at the street sign of the street I had turned around on, it was this.  Clearing skies and "Margaret St."  God put me in this place for a reason.  I posted this picture on facebook. My father-in-law messaged me saying that some people see "ST" and think "street," but when he sees it, he thinks "Saint."  

I then looked up Saint Margaret to see what she was the patron saint of, and what I found was remarkable.  Saint Margaret of Antioch is the patron saint of pregnant woman and childbirth.  She is celebrated July 20th.  Saint Margaret of Scottland is celebrated November 16th (my husband's birthday).  From that point on, in addition to my prayers to St. Gerard, I prayed (and still do pray) to St. Margaret.  Sean's Godmother and Aunt, passed away at the start of the cycle that we conceived Miss Maddison Faith.  Aunt Margaret is Maddison's angel in heaven.

That is where the "M" in Maddison comes from.  My oldest niece is also named Margaret :)

What about the "addison?"  Well... To make a long story short, Sean and I almost parted ways :( :( :(  Sean wasn't sure if he wanted children (I had no clue about this when we first started seeing eachother).  Luckily, he met and spent quite a bit of time with my niece, Allison.  When she first started talking, she refered to him as "La."  I think that completely stole his heart.  As time went on they quickly became "best friends."  When Sean told me he decided he wanted kids, he gave a lot of credit to his time with Allie.  She opened his eyes to all of the positives of having children.  So, we did not part ways.  Instead, we got engaged and then married :)

The night of our wedding my sister, our maid of honor, made a speech about how I always did the same things she did.  Met our husbands online, moved away from home to be with our men.  We are both SLPs, etc. etc.  My sister then stated something along the lines of, if I continue to follow her footsteps, we should have a baby in the next couple of years.

My sister and her husband were married in October 2007.  They waited a bit to start trying for a baby.  Then they started trying and in March found out they were pregnant.  That was about 18 months after getting married.  Sean and I started trying July 2013, had 3 losses, and found out we were pregnant March 2015.  On every ultrasound, our baby's due date was November 26th.  November 26th is Allison's birthday.  Dana and Kevin found out July 6th, 2009 they were having a girl.  We found out July 6th, 2015 we were having a girl.  

So- we took the names of two very important people in our lives.  We took Allison and made it Addison.  We then took "M" from Margaret and put it at the beginning for Maddison.  That is why our Maddison has two "d"s.  Take Maddison and add Faith = Maddison Faith.

For all that I did to support our pregnancy, I really feel it was our time.  The big guy above has a plan and purpose for all of us.  I trusted in his plan and He delivered.  

This was a lengthy post and I hope it didn't scare anyone away!  I am hoping to post more in the future about this little journey called "motherhood."

P.S. Kind of crazy- my first blog was February 19th, 2015.  My second was March 1st, 2015.  Maybe I should have added "blogging" to the list of things I did.  The start of my blog was just before the cycle we conceived our little miracle!

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How We Got Our Baby "Bruin": Part 1

Baby Announcement (RamonaLisa not pictured- camera shy)

Sean and I are feeling beyond blessed to share this news with you. We are so grateful for all of your thoughts and prayers that have gotten us here. We continue to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy, as well as continue to pray for the comfort, peace and patience of all of those facing infertility. Some people have asked me what I/we did to get here... It's not a quick answer, so here is a blog to try and map it all out- Part 1.

We prayed.

Last November 2014, I was home from work healing from what was believed to be an ectopic pregnancy.  I had to do two rounds of methotrexate in order to (ultimately) terminate the embryo that was developing in my fallopian tube.  This was an emotional struggle for me.  In all honesty, I put off the methotrexate for consults with several doctors in the practice, as I did not want to terminate a potential life.  With my own research and doctor's guidance, it appeared that it was absolutely necessary in order to potentially save my own life- so I did it.  With the consistent and unconditional support from my husband, I was able to get through the emotionally devastating weeks of going through a third miscarriage, and this time- to make it even more difficult- it didn't happen naturally- I had to receive injections in order to terminate it.  While I was home recovering both physically and emotionally, I was watching a daytime talk show that was highlighting a book that was written by Rebecca Fett, a patent litigation attorney at a large law firm in New York, with degrees in molecular biotechnology and biochemistry, with experience in laboratory research in the field of genetics.   The book is called "It Starts With The Egg."  

After her own struggles with infertility and her developing fascination and careful analyzation of hundreds of scientific papers identifying specific effects of toxins and nutrients on the biological process of infertility, Rebecca felt compelled to share her knowledge with those who were also struggling, in order to try and bridge the gap between current research and conventional fertility advice. "It Starts With The Egg," takes scientific language and research-based findings, and compresses the information into comprehensible language. It is an easy to follow book with solid evidenced-based information, with ongoing references sited throughout the book and pages of references listed in the back. In the introduction, Rebecca states:

"Seeing our growing baby on the 12-week ultrasound and hearing the heart beat were moments of such pure joy that I wanted the same for everyone else going through the process of fertility treatment or planning to have a baby.  Of course, in the world of infertility there are never any promises.  No one can ever be guaranteed a way to get pregnant because there are so many variables and unique challenges... But this book offers a plan to improve your odds, and in doing so, improve your overall health and prepare your body for a healthy pregnancy."

I could not concur more with the statement aforementioned.  My experiences, my thoughts, my feelings, my gained knowledge, my faith, have led me to this blog post about what we did to get to this point.  As Rebecca stated, nothing is promised and everyone's situation is different.  So, as you are reading this, please know that I know that what worked for me may not work for the next person.  My hope, if anything, is that my story can support you through yours or somebody that you know.

We prayed.

After watching Rebecca speak of her journey on the daytime talk show, I ordered the book, read through it and took notes.  As I was reading through my notes, I was overwhelmed by thinking of how much money I would need to spend in order to make some environmental changes.  Therefore, I told myself that the changes did not need to be made all at once and that I would set goals for myself.  I always felt I lived a rather healthy life. My meals were always balanced and I exercised.  I had a screening done through my work in January, and my blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure, and weight were all perfect.  In fact, the woman screening me was very impressed with my numbers.  What I didn't realize, was the amount of toxins I was surrounding myself in everyday, which were hidden in my hair products, skin care products, perfume, make-up, household cleaners, storage containers, and "healthy" food.  

BPA, parabens, phthalates. Although exposure is inevitable, there are ways to reduce it, which can ultimately affect your fertility.  

BPA- There is strong evidence that exposure to BPA during crucial egg development can create chromsomal abnormalities.  Keep in mind that the formation of egg quality process occurs 90 days prior to ovulation. There is also evidence that shows BPA affects successful fertilization and implantation of the egg.  In addition, BPA disrupts hormone systems including estrogen, testosterone, thyroid hormones and insulin- all of which are essential for fertility.  I have significantly reduced the amount of information regarding BPA in the book for the purpose of this blog, but if you would like more information, please refer to the book, your own research and/or ask me!  

So what did I do (and still do) with all of this BPA information?

• If I buy canned goods (e.g. premade soups, beans), I make sure the can is labeled "BPA-free."  The lining of canned goods can have BPA in them.  I found most canned goods with BPA-free labels to be found in the all-natural/organic aisles at the grocery store, as well as at Wholefoods.
• I replaced plastic storage containers and water bottles with glass only.  This has been one of my favorite changes.  I bought 4 glass water bottles with silicone covers for protection.  The water tastes SO much better coming out of the glass than it did the plastic.  I also put all of my leftover food in glass containers only- much easier to clean and I just feel so much healthier.
• If I do have any BPA-free plastic in the house, which rarely occurs now because of my glass substitute, I hand wash them only and I do not put them in the dishwasher.
• Lastly- I try and get rid of receipts as much as possible.  The receipts you get from shopping, restaurants, etc. can contain BPA in them.  So I try to handle them as little as possible, and I make sure to throw them out as soon as I don't need them anymore.  For ways to reduce exposure see:  http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/avoid-bpa-exposure-from-cash-register-receipts.htm

• We prayed.

Phthalates (THAY-lates)- another toxin, another endocrine disruptor.  They are widely used in plastics, nail polish, vinyl, cleaning products and fragrances.  There is strong evidence that high exposure to phthalates can impact a developing fetus, and more and more research is suggesting that it also impacts egg quality, embryo survival and therefore fertility.  BE CAREFUL- when you look at the ingredients of products, some companies have hidden phthalates and parabens under the general term "fragrance."  If you see "fragrance" as one of the ingredients, that means that it contains phthalates. 

So what did I do (and still do) with all of this phthalate information?

• I only use shampoo and conditioner (no mousse, no hairspray), and the shampoo and conditioner I use now are phthalate-free.  Obviously more expensive, but when they go on sale I buy more than I need.  I have been using ACURE shampoo and conditioner, and I love it:
• 
• I also changed out my body wash, lotion, sunblock.  Lotion and sunblock are of the most important items to switch because we don't wash it off and it soaks into our skin.  I have been using Burts Bees body wash, Badger and Aubrey sunblock and 365 body lotion from Wholefoods.
•  

• I changed my deodorant, toothpaste and mouthwash as well.  I am currently using TOMS toothpaste and deodorant, and Essential Oxygen organic mouthwash:
• 
• I rarely wear makeup now, but if I do- I only use Zuzu Luxe mascara:   "vegan mascara is gluten-free and natural, non-toxic clean mascara, gluten-free makeup, cruelty free makeup, fiber free"  and Zuzu Luxe eyeliner:
• 
• Since reading this book, I have not used nail polish or perfume, and I used hairspray once when I was in a wedding.  
• I have gotten rid of all of the Bath and Bodyworks soaps that we had in the house.  Now we are using Method products for both hand soap and dish soap.  I love Method!  
•  

• You will no longer find Tide in our house as we have switched to Mrs. Meyer's laundry detergent:
• 
• Goodbye toxic cleaners.  There is a store close by that sells all natural cleaners.  I have also been using some of the Method cleaning products.  I replaced everything we clean with- toilet bowl cleaner, granite cleaner, all purpose cleaner, window cleaner, etc.  It is amazing that now if I walk down the aisle of cleaners at the grocery store, I feel its harder to breathe!  Here are two examples of what I have been using:
•   

Next steps: I would love to get rid of our nonstick pans, and use cast iron and stainless steel only.  

• We prayed.

That's it for part 1 of what we did.  I will continue to blog about the MANY other things we did in the next blog- so keep your eyes out!  I will share more lifestyle changes, dietary changes, medical intervention and my faith,   I hope you found this initial Part 1 post helpful! :)

You mean, "Are we hoping for..."

On Monday, my husband and I met with our financial advisor to discuss budgeting and savings. During the whole discussion, in the back of my mind I kept thinking to myself "Do I ask if/how we should budget for potential fertility treatments in the future?"  I knew budgeting for when you have children is something that you need to do, but never did I think about budgeting to HAVE children. Dealing with infertility is dealing with the emotional, physical, mental and financial challenges that go along with it.

As the conversation continued with our financial advisor, the dreaded question arose, "When are you planning on having kids?" PLANNING? We were planning to have kids like yesterday. I felt my eyes start to well up a bit as I paused for a quick moment to decide how I wanted to respond to that question. Maybe we should have started the meeting with, "We are experiencing infertility and may need to spend loads of money/gamble on a procedure that has a mere 24% success rate.  Can you help us plan for that?!"  Feelings of frustration and sadness rushed over me and I felt like I could have exploded on him or burst into tears. I never knew how many thoughts and emotions one could contemplate before responding to a question until this moment. I thought to myself "How insensitive of him to ask that question," and then a reality check came in that it would have been irresponsible of him to not ask if children were planned in our future... we were there for financial planning. I also thought about how I could respond. "I'm not sure." "When the time is right." "They are on our radar." ... I went through all of these vague responses, but then I realized my initial thought of this man as being insensitive was most likely due to his lack of awareness and understanding of how important semantics are when dealing with individuals challenged with infertility.

In what I thought must have been the longest, most awkward pause prior to a response this man had ever witnessed (but in reality was a quick 2-3 seconds) I came to a conclusion. I replied with slightly water-filled eyes, "We are coming up on two years of trying. We HOPE to have kids any down now, but our time will come when it's meant to be." I responded with blunt honesty, although it may have been uncomfortable for our financial advisor, because I wanted to emphasize that having kids isn't a simple plan for everyone and that people may be having a difficult time. I figured this may raise awareness, and felt that perhaps his moment of feeling uncomfortable might prompt him to change his wording. I keep in mind that raising awareness isn't going to happen over night, but my hopes are that if I chip away at one, it will multiply.

So what could he have said that would have prevented the negative feelings that rushed over me? Perhaps nothing- I don't know. But I wouldn't hesitate to say that if he just changed his wording it may have made a difference. I wonder what kinds of feelings would have evoked if he had asked "Are you hoping for children in your future?" instead of "When are you planning on having kids?" How was he supposed to know that we were experiencing infertility?  I'm not sure.  Maybe we should all assume that people are infertile until we are told otherwise?

After I responded, my negative feelings quickly fled and I began to feel empowered.  This was actually perfect timing, as I had 3 consecutive days of feeling sad in regards to our infertility challenges leading up to this appointment, so I could have easily fallen to tears.  But, I didn't and I am proud of how I responded.  On one of the days that I was sad, I had someone say to me, "But I thought you were feeling better." It's true, I had been. But the reality is, at this time, my journey with infertility is cycling through the stages of grief. I'm not sure at what point I will reach the stage of acceptance, but what I do know is that in the meantime I will embrace where I am. I feel confident in saying that I am no longer in the stage of shock and denial. Therefore, when I am in the stage of anger, I will use my anger to fuel my desire for change in regards to opening the closed doors where infertility hides. I will use my moments of depression and detachment to remind myself of how lucky I am for all that I have, especially the loyal and supportive husband beside me. When I am in the stage of dialogue and bargaining, I will embrace this stage by sharing my story with others, raising awareness, and reminding myself that God is on my side.

Although we haven't met with a doctor to discuss procedures such as IVF, I have done research and I have been daunted by the expense.  I found this link in case anyone is looking for some helpful hints on how they can plan/save money for this type of procedure.  As IVF becomes more popular, I hope people keep in mind that this is not always an optional procedure for people (i.e. not being patient enough, designer babies).  For many, this is one of the routes that need to be explored in order to achieve their dreams of becoming parents.

I also came across this link from resolve.org about creating a financial plan in order to make treatment affordable.

Well that is all for now-  I hope this post finds everyone doing well!

Infertility Awareness

I decided to share my story with infertility publicly, not for pity, but to increase awareness and to offer resources and support.  The support I have received from people after going public with our infertility struggles has been overwhelming.  I have also felt an incredible release and weight off my shoulders.  Sharing my story has helped me to let go of the shame I felt associated with my infertility.  The experience of sharing my story has reminded me of a client I worked with who stuttered.  She was in her 40s and for 40+ years she never talked about her stuttering.  She recalled times with her family where she knew her stuttering was the elephant in the room.  Because nobody ever talked with her about her stuttering, it developed a significant stigma that it was bad.  That stuttering was bad.  The attitudes and feelings one has towards his/her stuttering significantly affects the degree of stuttering.  Relating this story to my challenges with infertility, sharing my journey has allowed me to rid of the negative attitudes and feelings I had of myself and my body.

There are so many reasons I encourage people to increase awareness.  Here are just a few:

• People struggling with infertility feel so alone because nobody ever talks about it

• People frequently ask married couples "When are you going to start having kids?"  
• This question is a natural question to ask, but it may cause unnecessary stress.  The couple could be trying and having a difficult time.  This has happened to me often and in my thoughts I am saying, "If you only knew," but what I actually say is "When the time is right."  I could always handle this question with a smile, but I would often go home in tears.
• Raising awareness may shift the questions people ask others regarding family planning.  Perhaps people will stop asking this question?  Or maybe they will change their question to, "Are you going to try to have kids?"  

• Increasing awareness increases resources.  There are a number of resources on the internet and the doctors offer their knowledge, but there needs to be more research and more support for infertility. There are so many stories I hear of "unexplained" infertility... there has to be an explanation!  For example, I have researched random things I know about myself, like the fact that my hands and feet are constantly (cold hands, warm heart).  This led me to other people challenged with infertility who also experience cold hands and feet.  I wouldn't have come across this pattern if I didn't do extensive research.  Also, some states mandate that insurance companies cover infertility treatments, and some states do not.  Fifteen states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover some level of infertility treatment: Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and West Virginia.

• Increasing awareness reduces the stigma.  Reducing the stigma reduces society produced shame that is associated with infertility.  Reducing and eliminating shame gives people dealing with infertility one less thing to have to address.  Addressing the grief associated with the feelings of the loss of a child you have yet to have or may never have is enough.

• There are so many people who have to deal with infertility.  1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC).  Infertility is common, so why don't we talk about it and support it.

Here is a website that gives suggestions on ways to Increase Awareness without impeding on privacy.

Also just came across this blog challenge for infertility awareness!

Sending my best to everyone, no matter your journey!

"Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak." Psalm 56:8

So today was a bit of a set back emotionally.  I had been feeling settled and confident in the path my life is taking me.  I know that I am confident in the life God has planned for me and that God's timing is perfect.  I know this from the path that led me to my wonderful, patient, accepting and loving husband, Sean.  

I am lucky to have Sean.  He has undeniably been the rock I have needed to get through these times.  The shoulder I have cried on, the one that has made me laugh when I didn't think laughing was possible.  I feel bad for him and for us.  Sometimes, I wish I had known that I would be faced with infertility struggles before I met him, so that I could warn him  that he would have to deal with this complete roller coaster ride.  As much as I know God's timing is perfect, at this time I do not understand why I/we are going through this.  I am confident that just as what happened with my path to Sean, it may not make sense now, but later I will understand.  In the meantime, I came across this quote on Pinterest that I hope can help others who are patiently waiting and wondering when their time will come.  I don't agree with all of it- I don't think I will be better than anyone else as a mother, but I do believe that God is giving me insight and a special vision of and for children. I also believe that I can now comfort others instead of run away from discomfort.  I am not going to be bulletproof and I will have times of tears (lots I'm sure).  Perhaps this is the reason we are experiencing what we are: 

Trying to stay positive-

My hope and faith are bigger than my setbacks and fear.  

Resource pick for this post:

Jimmy Fallon- Coming out of the fertility closet

Resource for the friends and family of those living with infertility

Healing words- my body is not broken

First Post

Thursday, February 19th 2015- 8:00 p.m.  I've probably visited at least 500 websites related to infertility.  No, really.  Since July 2013, my husband and I have tried to start a family.  As many others dealing with infertility, the thought when we first started trying is that *poof* it would just happen.  Three miscarriages and almost two years later we are dealing with a different story.   People don't really understand what is like to be the person who grieves the child they have yet to have or may never have.

"When are you going to start having kids?"  

"You guys are getting older. You better start trying." 

"You don't want to be old parents, do you?"

 "Don't worry.  This happens to a lot of people."  

"Your time will come when the time is right." 

"There are a lot of people who went on to have kids."

 "Don't give up."

 "You're still young. You have time." 

"Oh I know someone who just took 'xyz' and she got pregnant.  Maybe that's what you need."

 "Take advantage of this time. Once you have kids you won't sleep."

 "I'm pregnant." 

Do these quotes resonate with anyone?  Simple statements and questions people make, without realizing its affect.  They all tug at my heart.  I know their purpose is not to be insensitive or to hurt my feelings.  But all of the aforementioned make it feel hard for me to swallow.  I have found a lot of comfort and support through the blogs and shared stories of others going through infertility, and therefore, I have decided to start a blog myself.  I hope this blog helps others relate, helps others to not feel alone, gives valuable resources and information to those dealing with infertility, as well as their families and friends, and touches at least one heart.

This is just the start.

Best Wishes All,

P.S. Just came across this resource for those dealing with infertility and those who know someone dealing with infertility: Acceptance in Infertility: 9 Untruths in the 'Never Give Up' Message